Things That Annoy Me

I feel fairly safe in listing things that annoy me here, because nobody will read it anyway. The older I get, the more things annoy me, in number and ferocity. I believe I am going to grow up to be one of those generally nasty old women. And my husband is already looking forward to the day when he can stand in the front door and yell at the kids passing by: “Get off my lawn!” It’s a family thing.

So here is a list of things that annoy me. This list is not guaranteed to be complete, and may change over time. For a hand written copy of this list, please send $500 and a self addressed stamped envelope to Box 1000, Grinchville, F0K 0FU.

Ahem. Things that annoy me include:

· the guy who cuts the lawn and doesn’t put the eavestrough extension back on
· the person(s) that chuck their little plastic bags of dog poo over the back fence between our neighbour’s and our garage. Do they think we don’t EVER go in there?
· rude salespeople who make minimum wage and think they can bully me over something stupid
· the guy across the backlane with the gas powered leaf blower AND the power washer AND the lawnmower AND the air compressor on a Saturday morning
· people who don’t take care of their flowers
· computer operated telemarketers so I don’t even have a human I can be rude to for interrupting my dinner/afternoon nap/morning coffee
· the recyclers who spread recycling all over the back lane when they’re supposed to be picking it up
· cars that honk at me when I’m riding my bike
· cyclists that get in my way when I’m driving my car and I have to honk at them
· snow
· my cat at 5:00 a.m.
· parents that let their kids run amok
· the Tim Horton’s person who can’t make a large half decaf with two milk correctly
· combovers
· Ellen when she hangs her tongue out and drools over a great looking man when she is so gay. That would be like me doing the same thing to a great looking woman. Kinda creepy.
· litterers – and I don’t mean mama cats
· smoking – anytime, anyplace
· the janitor who mops my shoes when I’m in the bathroom stall
· bad spelling
· the movie “Australia”. What a load of hokey manure.
· Jack Hanna, although he’s dead now so I guess he no longer counts

Whew, I feel so much better now having said all this to no one in particular. I think I’m going to carry this list around with me for reference with a bunch of space at the bottom so I can add to it at will. So you had better watch out, my pencil is sharpened and my ire is ruffable.