What They Should Do

I heard on the news a couple of days ago that They are considering banning chuckwagon races because a horse involved in a race at the Calgary Stampede died of a heart attack after the race.

Well.

That makes me think that They should also ban marathon races because somebody almost always dies of a heart attack after one of those. And while They're at it, why don’t They ban car racing, because lots of guys have died from that, without even having a heart attack. I guess They should ban all kinds of racing, because somebody always dies somewhere, somehow.

Come to think of it, They should ban war, because THERE is a place where lots of people die, without doing any kind of racing at all or having a heart attack. Those people probably haven’t thought about racing for a very long time before they die. Oh, and swimming, They should ban swimming because people drown.

They should ban cars, because many, many people die in cars. But don’t let them ride horses instead, because they might fall off the horse and die. Or the horse might have a heart attack (see first paragraph). Here are some other things that They should ban because people or animals might just die:
· Elevators
· Airplanes
· Boats
· Scuba diving
· Mountains
· Lightning - oh now that’s a good one. Can you say D A N G E R O U S ? ?
· Slurpees - brain freeze, duh!
· Blow dryers – they get dropped in the bathtub
· Cats – they trip you when you’re walking down the stairs, plus you might step on it and give it a heart attack
· Roller blades
· Gas barbecues – they explode and they cook meat which has been previously been an animal that was KILLED!!!
· Snow shoveling – heart attack just waiting to happen
· Watching Blue Bomber football – gives you a heart attack watching them lose

I think They should also ban pregnancy, because pregnancy leads to, you know, birth and everything. And with birth the natural progression always results in death. It’s a given.

So I think I have successfully solved the world’s problem of how to stop heart attacks and other deaths. I think They should get right on that.